Overcoming the Stress of Trying to Conceive: Advice for Couples

Trying to conceive a life. Wanting to get and be pregnant. The stress of trying and failing. The patience required to wait on a positive result. Overcoming stress and patience requires strong faith.

Believe it or not, not every couple wants to get pregnant. Getting pregnant is not easy. It comes with joys, pains, and patience.

Eventually, you will hear…

Congratulations!

The ONE word all expectant or have been trying parents want to hear!

Unfortunately – congratulations – is rarer than people realize – at least when it comes to hearing, “You are going to be parents!”.

Most couples are prepared to hear they will be parents and most have not planned, prepared, and are not that happy when they find out their family will increase by one, or two, or more.

That is until that first doctor’s appointment when you hear the heartbeat and get your first sonogram. Then, being pregnant suddenly become real.

Thankfully, my husband and I have heard congratulations three times, but not without our tests and trials. Trying to get pregnant is fun but can be mentally exhausting when the results are not what you expect.

Our first child was easy to conceive although, we were not trying. I remember thinking we were not ready to be parents. We had a job, we didn’t have a career. We were both still living with our parents.

growing up

Growing up as an only child I promised myself that I would have more than one child. I knew how lonely it would be without a sibling.

I mean, it WAS fun not having someone snitch on me (wink). I liked having a bedroom all to myself, getting whatever I asked for, and having all the attention on me.

But, as I grew older, the loneliness felt more like a disease and a punishment. My family was large but I didn’t have the option to have a close connection with cousins because everyone lived in so many different locations. As it was, I was lonely in every sense of the word.

My husband grew up with a younger brother – so he understood the importance of making sure our son had a sibling.

our trial

Our first child was three when we decided it was time to bless him with a brother or sister. We figured three years apart was perfect. It was still far apart but close enough in age that they would be in high school together.

As most married couples, we tried and tried and tried AND tried! Every attempt resulted in no pregnancy. It weighed on us and tested our faith.

One year, no pregnancy.

Two years, no pregnancy.

Three years, no pregnancy!

Four, five, six years passed and no pregnancy!

Was it me? Was it him? We didn’t know and couldn’t understand why the Lord wasn’t blessing us with another bundle of joy.

Our family and friends continued to tell us that it will happen when we least expected it; when we weren’t trying.

We didn’t want to hear that

Instead of waiting, listening, and trying it God’s way, we tried the way of the world.

We were not patient!

Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting. — Joyce Meyer

our test

We decided to try intrauterine insemination (IUI), a procedure during which sperm is inserted directly into a woman’s uterus. It is timed according to a woman’s ovulation.

As I lay on that table, it was as if my soul was leaving me. I had to wait and lie on my back for 20 minutes after the procedure before we could leave.

I felt as if I was betraying God.

Trying to get pregnant in OUR time and not waiting on Him. But, we knew what we wanted and we wanted it to happen then!

Who were we to rush God? Who were we to say, “Right now, God!”

Again, no pregnancy!

Of course, God had His own plans, His own design for our life so we had to be patient and wait. We didn’t want to but what choice did we have? In reality, it wasn’t up to us.

We stopped trying. We stopped thinking about it. We lived our life and focused more on the child we did have.

our moment

One day I was sitting at home, alone. My cycle was late but I did not want to get excited.

Just to feed my curiosity, I called my husband and asked him to bring home a pregnancy test. His reply was a dry, “Ok.”

I couldn’t blame him for not sounding more excited. Why get excited over a pregnancy test? The excitement would come if the result was positive.

Or, would it come? The positive result. And, if it was positive, would we be excited?

I took the test at 3:30 pm. The wait time was three minutes. That was the longest three minutes of our life. Why couldn’t the results be automatically instant?

POSITIVE!

I didn’t get excited. It could have been a false positive. My husband wasn’t excited either.

We smiled at one another.

Since there were three tests, I suggested that I would take the other one in the morning. I woke up before my husband. I didn’t want to disturb him in case the result was not the same.

POSITIVE! Again!

Now, I was excited!

I woke my husband and told him the news. Still, he had no excitement.

Later that day, I took the third test. Just to make sure.

Same result.

Three tests! All the same!

the testimony

We had experienced so much heartache trying to get pregnant and despite those positive tests, it was not enough. What’s the possibility of three false positives?

My husband wanted a blood test so off to the doctor we went.

POSITIVE!

“Congratulations! You are going to be parents!”

There was that phrase that we had been waiting for years to hear – again.

I was more excited! But I didn’t show it. I knew it though. We were pregnant!

And this time, we were not trying.

This smile was the same smile he had when we heard the news…

…the smile I was waiting to see!

God knew what he was doing! He wanted to remind us that we need to trust in Him, wait on Him and that we can not do anything when we want to. He will give us what we need in His timing.

My husband was not the only one smiling the day our son arrived! Big brother was equally as happy.

Two years after our second son was born, we were blessed with our princess.

And once again, we were not trying for her either. Read here about how she is our surprise love story!

That’s the thing about patience. It teaches you about you. It shows you that waiting is worth the outcome.

We may not have grown our family in OUR plan. But our children were worth the wait. We learned to accept that God’s plan was greater than we anticipated.

What moment in your life has tested your patience?