Marriage is an experience that only married couples can understand. People enter marriage for a variety of reasons: love, prearrangement, responsibility, or necessity. There is no definitive answer as to why each individual couple chooses to marry; it is between them and them alone. Whatever the reason for saying “I do” is between the couple.
Some people have this notion that marriage will be like what they see on television or on the big screen. Or, they assume their marriage will be similar to their parents’ marriage — either long lasting or end in divorce.
Marriage vs Married Rules
Marriage is a unique experience for each couple, with different expectations and needs. It is important to have conversations essential in creating a marital relationship that works for both partners while respecting each other’s individual needs.
Either way, there are biblical rules and societal rules. Which one you follow is up to you and your significant other.
No one can tell you how to husband or how to wife. That’s not even thing. What happens in your marriage is no one’s business – that information is for you and your spouse – and your therapist if you have one.
The best time to have the marriage talk is before the proposal. It’s not ideal to have that conversation after you have said “I Do.” That is the quickest way to “I Don’t” anymore.
When considering marriage, couples should avoid pressuring or making demands of each other, as this can lead to negative consequences on the relationship. Engaged couples should openly and honestly discuss their expectations and plans for marriage laying a solid foundation for their future together.
Marriage is NOT the wedding day, the years after the wedding day, nor the euphoria you think it will be but the euphoria you create! Couples have to know how to be a helpmate for your spouse.
Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.
fawn weaver
The Good and the Bad of Marriage
The Good (it’s like…)
- …being full of anticipation.
- …a roller coaster and white water rafting experience – simultaneously.
- …reliving your best childhood. Christmas memories over and over again.
- …being the ONLY person winning the lottery – everyday.
- …sitting on the beach, with your feet in the sand, favorite drink in your hand, and feeling the cool breeze.
The Bad (it’s like…)
- …excessive diarrhea. Just when you think you’re done, more comes.
- …a toothache and every time you go to the dentist, your appointment is rescheduled.
- …an itch on your back you can’t scratch.
- …a paper cut that never heals.
- …running your fingers across a chalkboard and the sound gets higher and higher with each stroke.
My Marriage
Not talking about marriage in the beginning of our relationship taught us how to think like a married couple and be more intentional with any shift in our relationship. Being boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife is NOT the same, even when living together.
Lately, life has been doing the most to married and unmarried couples. Just people in general. As a wife of 18 years, I’m not an expert on marriage but I do have experience how to be and how not to be a wife.
No matter the marriage societal and biblical rules, some rules are just common sense because of the love you have for your spouse and some come from your marriage vows.
Traditional marriage vows say:
“I, _____, take you, _____, to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”
To be my lawfully wedded wife/husband
You and your spouse are legally bound together – by societal and biblical law. The only point here, in societal law, is that so many things are unlawful when it comes to marriage. It should be and is illegal to _____ you fill in the blank (in the comments).
Biblically, the marriage law is clear — no adultery. There are other laws but in the context of this conversation – adultery is a no-no! In your vows you committed to each other and no one else.
PERIODT — and that’s on Mary had a little lamb!!
To have and to hold from this day forward
To have someone to love and be intimate with — for life. To hold that person in intimate regard, for life. What a feeling! Committing to that ‘in-to-me’ intimacy with one person — for life. To have “your person” to talk to, hug, kiss, share happy and sad moments, and to create a family with. To hold “your person” physically, emotionally, and mentally. Heather from PreEngaged breaks it down perfectly in this post.
For better, for worse
Let’s be clear — Your spouse will get on your nerves! That is inevitable! It doesn’t matter about the not so ideal life events, each of you made a vow to remain married for ‘better or for worse’.
Perfection does not exist, especially in marriage, so that euphoric feeling you felt and created in the beginning will be tested. You will argue. You will disagree. You will not be. happy. all. the. time! You will have moments of comparing your marriage to other couples. Remember this – you don’t know their story. They may look good on the outside but you have no idea what is going on inside their marriage.
Keep your marriage business to yourself!! Keep people OUT of your marriage — especially on social media. If not, that “for worse” part will rear its ugly head, beyond your control.
For richer, for poorer
There may be a time when only one spouse is working or neither spouse is working – especially in this time of COVID. When my husband and I first started dating, I was fired from my arcade job and for two years he financially supported me. If I needed something, he helped me out.
In marriage, that support is amplified! But for some marriages, this can be a deal breaker when one spouse is not working. The problem with this goes back to ‘for better or worse’. Too many couples see their family or friends doing well and they want to either keep up appearances because they are jealous or it bothers them to see someone in their circle of family and friends doing better than them.
It should not matter how many zeros and dollar signs you have in your bank account, the greatest love can find a way to stay married for ‘richer or poorer’.
In sickness and in health
In a time of COVID, this line especially stands out. I have not been destitute sick or hospital sick but I have had the common cold and given birth to three children. Each time, my husband was there — in sickness and in health — taking care of me.
My husband has been ill a few times and as his wife, I took care of him. Me honoring my vows of “in sickness and in health”.
Society has this idea that the woman is solely responsible for taking care of the house and the kids and the husband takes care of everything else. What exactly is everything else? To some people, everything else really means EVERYTHING ELSE.
My husband is an essential worker, double time. For this reason, he chose to get the COVID vaccine to protect his family and in the event one of us becomes infected, he can take care of us. This was a purely selfless act on his part. But once again, he was honoring his marriage vow of in sickness and in health.
I naturally depend on my husband for certain tasks but not at the detriment of being incapable of doing anything without him in the event he becomes too ill.
until death do us part
You know, gone are the days when couples try everything to work it out. I know there are just some marital offenses that are completely unforgivable and the only option is divorce. The most recent data shows that 39 percent of marriages end in divorce. I don’t know about you but my husband and I meant what we said in our vows, ’till death do us part.’
I will love and honor you all the days of my life
As I said before, your spouse will get on your nerves! BUT, at no time should a spouse be disrespectful, disrespected, demeaning, talk down to one another, speak negatively about one another to anyone at any time, especially at work, in public, and when you’re together with family or friends and especially not on social media!
Words matter. How you speak to one another matters. Even in jest and joking, words matter. Honor one another with your words and actions – selflessly!
Being a submissive wife is biblical. In Ephesians 5:22-33 in the NIV — 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Some wives today view this as being told what to do, not being independent, or not having authority. In a marriage, the man is the head of the family and the home but because you are a married couple, you both have a duty to honor and respect one another and your marriage.
Marriage Defined
Marriage is not for everyone. Some people are content with just living together or just being in a relationship. For those who choose to get married, the day of the wedding is the beginning of married life together and should be taken seriously. To do this, important steps may include discussing goals, marriage expectations, and challenges as well as building a strong foundation of communication and trust. Additionally, it is important to prioritize spending time together and sharing enjoyable moments while also balancing any responsibilities and obligations. Finally, couples should remember to remain focused on their marriage and never forget why they decided to get married in the first place.
Whatever your preference, if and when you get married, how you start your marriage is important. The day of your wedding is the beginning of the rest of your married life – TOGETHER – with each other.
The vows you chose to say set the foundation for how you promise to commit your life to each other. If you write your own vows or use the traditional vows, you’re making a promise to each other and God.
Honor those words and prayerfully, your marriage will be infinite – til death do you part!
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